Obviously it's been awhile since I've updated, that's because there has been nothing new to report.
My GYN told me there was nothing else he could do for me (after 3 rounds of clomid) so that was heartbreaking to hear, bit there was a silver lining.
I went yesterday and met our new RE, Dr. Lias Hasty at the Atlanta Center for Reproductive Medicine.
After several questions, a trans vaginal ultrasound, 6 tubes of blood, and an appointment for a semen analysis, we have a game plan.
The US showed 2 cysts on my left ovary, so unfortunately we have to wait until January to get started, but if Whit's numbers do not look promising, we could be doing our first round of IUI by the middle of next month.
Thursday, December 3, 2015
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
TSH Level
Quick update regarding my 6 month bloodwork.
My TSH was 1.350
That's amazing!!!!
Three months ago it was .006!!!
Normal range is 0.4 - 4.0
And when TTC should be 1.0 - 2.0
So we are right where we want to be!!!
I will go back in six months if there is no progress between now and then and we will run more tests.
Currently:
CD 13
DTD CD 10, 11, 12, 13
EWCM
Looking for a +OPK any hour/day now.
My TSH was 1.350
That's amazing!!!!
Three months ago it was .006!!!
Normal range is 0.4 - 4.0
And when TTC should be 1.0 - 2.0
So we are right where we want to be!!!
I will go back in six months if there is no progress between now and then and we will run more tests.
Currently:
CD 13
DTD CD 10, 11, 12, 13
EWCM
Looking for a +OPK any hour/day now.
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Why don't you just adopt?
I have followed another blog for awhile now, and I read something that was put better than I could ever word it, so I'm going to simply share her post.
"So we all know people that say, “Have you ever thought of adopting?” Not really helpful, but ok. They usually mean well for the most part.
But then, when that morphs into something more judgmental, more ignorant and more arrogant — it crosses the line.
It goes something like this…
I’m thankful that these views are coming from strangers and not my family and friends. (By the way, my family and friends…well, they’re kind of the best.)
You’ll find this type of opinion in the comments of pretty much every single article, blog post, or video about infertility with a widespread audience. There’s usually a whole gaggle of people ready to throw their unenlightened remarks at you.
For me, they are not simply asking a question or pointing out a solution, but rather taking aim at my decisions, my journey and my plight. The comments are completely uneducated.
Well, I’m tired of biting my tongue. I’m tired of feeling bullied. I take offense. Big time.
You know what, people? It’s really none of your business. However, that being said, I will attempt to break this down even though I shouldn’t have to.
It’s so offensive to hear this. It somehow downplays what we have been through. It says you are too stupid to make decisions about your life and your body.
Sometimes these comments are aimed at anyone experiencing infertility, but sometimes I think they are a cheap shot that are aimed at those like me who have been through the ringer with infertility treatments. Yes, we did IVF six times, but along the way, we discovered different problems and treated them. After we couldn’t find anything else wrong and it still didn’t work, the doctors no longer had hope and neither did we. I’m not an idiot. I know that there is a line between persistence and delusion.
I also have the right to attempt to have a biological child, if that’s what I want. Yes, I want a child that looks like either me or my husband. Yes, I want a child that has some of our traits. Most everyone else wants this, too. Why do I get singled out and talked down to because I want this?
Some of us want to adopt, but can’t afford it. Adoption is expensive. Like buying a Mercedes expensive. It can be much more expensive than infertility treatments. Adoption costs anywhere from $20,000 – $60,000 and up. A basic insemination procedure costs $300. A round of IVF costs around $10,000. None of this is cheap, least of all adoption.
So, when these kinds of comments are bantered about, it crushes some people because they desperately do want to adopt. Yes, they know it’s an option, before you mentioned it.
It’s a really sad situation, but it’s not ours to solve. It doesn’t fall to the infertile to give homes to orphans.
Contrary to popular belief, there are more adoptive-parents-to-be than there are babies. There are huge wait times for adoptive families to adopt an infant…years! And, the cost is outrageous.
Many who do choose to adopt want infants. It’s a personal choice.
We have already lost the ability to be pregnant. We have lost the ability to carry a child. We have lost the ability for our child to share our DNA. Now, we don’t want to miss out on anything else. We want to know our child from as close to the beginning as possible. We want to do diapers and the whole nine yards. We want to see all of the firsts — rolling over, crawling, walking, talking, etc. We want to hold a sleeping baby on our chest. We don’t need to apologize for this.
Also, fostering to adopt is a great option for some people. However, we knew that this option was not viable for us. We have already experienced so much loss. There is NO way I would take the chance of falling in love with a baby, only to potentially have them ripped right back away from me. It would be my undoing.
Well, isn’t it easy for you to say these things? My question to you is, why didn’t you adopt? Or, why don’t you? You decided at some point that you wanted children. So, why didn’t you use birth control and adopt instead?
Oh, what, it’s different for you? Oh, ok…gotcha!
These questions are unfair no matter whom is being asked.
There are two myths surrounding trying to conceive and adopting and I will try to tackle both of them.
- “Just adopt.”
- “You should just adopt, then you’ll get pregnant.”
__________________________________________________________________
Myth #1: If I know someone who’s having trouble conceiving, maybe I should tell them to just adopt. Or, ask them if they’ve considered adoption.
Fact: No, you should never give this unwanted advice.
As a woman who has not wanted to adopt in the past and as someone who is considering it now, I can absolutely say hearing the words “just adopt” is unwanted and painful. Thankfully, I’ve only heard it a couple of times over these last five years. One of them came from a nurse practicioner at my OB/GYN clinic. I wish I was kidding. If anyone should be sensitive, I think it should be women’s health professionals, but alas, that is not always the case. And, this was four years ago before we even had any diagnostic testing or began any infertility treatments. She had no right to tell me that, and was medically negligent in my opinion especially when we had lots of options at that point and had no reason to believe that we wouldn’t ever be able to conceive.
Let me explain why suggesting adopting to an infertile is not a good idea:
____________________________________________________________________
Myth#2: “You should adopt, then you’ll get pregnant”
Fact: Adopting has absolutely no bearing on your ability to conceive.
This is last thing I want to hear and it makes me feel like beating my head against the wall. Yet, everyone has a story that they tell where this happened to a friend of a friend of a friend.
Here’s why:
To view her full blog, click HERE
"So we all know people that say, “Have you ever thought of adopting?” Not really helpful, but ok. They usually mean well for the most part.
But then, when that morphs into something more judgmental, more ignorant and more arrogant — it crosses the line.
It goes something like this…
I don’t know why you are bothering with all of these fertility treatments. There are so many babies out there that need homes anyway, so why don’t you just adopt?These comments are proliferating across the internet.
I’m thankful that these views are coming from strangers and not my family and friends. (By the way, my family and friends…well, they’re kind of the best.)
You’ll find this type of opinion in the comments of pretty much every single article, blog post, or video about infertility with a widespread audience. There’s usually a whole gaggle of people ready to throw their unenlightened remarks at you.
For me, they are not simply asking a question or pointing out a solution, but rather taking aim at my decisions, my journey and my plight. The comments are completely uneducated.
Well, I’m tired of biting my tongue. I’m tired of feeling bullied. I take offense. Big time.
You know what, people? It’s really none of your business. However, that being said, I will attempt to break this down even though I shouldn’t have to.
For the “I don’t know why you are bothering with all of these fertility treatments” part
It’s a deeply personal choice. It’s my choice. This is a disease and I have the right to treat it.
It’s so offensive to hear this. It somehow downplays what we have been through. It says you are too stupid to make decisions about your life and your body.
Sometimes these comments are aimed at anyone experiencing infertility, but sometimes I think they are a cheap shot that are aimed at those like me who have been through the ringer with infertility treatments. Yes, we did IVF six times, but along the way, we discovered different problems and treated them. After we couldn’t find anything else wrong and it still didn’t work, the doctors no longer had hope and neither did we. I’m not an idiot. I know that there is a line between persistence and delusion.
I also have the right to attempt to have a biological child, if that’s what I want. Yes, I want a child that looks like either me or my husband. Yes, I want a child that has some of our traits. Most everyone else wants this, too. Why do I get singled out and talked down to because I want this?
For the “Why don’t you adopt?” part
Some of us just do not want to adopt for a myriad of reasons. We just don’t have the heart for it or don’t feel it would be right for us. End of story. It’s not a good situation for anyone involved if adoption is forced upon someone. What birth mother would would want to choose adoptive parents that were unsure or uncomfortable with the idea of adopting?
Some of us want to adopt, but can’t afford it. Adoption is expensive. Like buying a Mercedes expensive. It can be much more expensive than infertility treatments. Adoption costs anywhere from $20,000 – $60,000 and up. A basic insemination procedure costs $300. A round of IVF costs around $10,000. None of this is cheap, least of all adoption.
So, when these kinds of comments are bantered about, it crushes some people because they desperately do want to adopt. Yes, they know it’s an option, before you mentioned it.
Now, as for the whole “There are so many children out there that need homes” business
Yes, there are children, but not babies. There are older children that need homes, it’s true, but it isn’t for everyone.
It’s a really sad situation, but it’s not ours to solve. It doesn’t fall to the infertile to give homes to orphans.
Contrary to popular belief, there are more adoptive-parents-to-be than there are babies. There are huge wait times for adoptive families to adopt an infant…years! And, the cost is outrageous.
Many who do choose to adopt want infants. It’s a personal choice.
We have already lost the ability to be pregnant. We have lost the ability to carry a child. We have lost the ability for our child to share our DNA. Now, we don’t want to miss out on anything else. We want to know our child from as close to the beginning as possible. We want to do diapers and the whole nine yards. We want to see all of the firsts — rolling over, crawling, walking, talking, etc. We want to hold a sleeping baby on our chest. We don’t need to apologize for this.
Also, fostering to adopt is a great option for some people. However, we knew that this option was not viable for us. We have already experienced so much loss. There is NO way I would take the chance of falling in love with a baby, only to potentially have them ripped right back away from me. It would be my undoing.
And, finally, who are these outspoken commenters?
Surely, they have never experienced infertility. And, I think it’s a safe bet to say that they either: have biological children sitting at home or don’t have kids and don’t want kids.
Well, isn’t it easy for you to say these things? My question to you is, why didn’t you adopt? Or, why don’t you? You decided at some point that you wanted children. So, why didn’t you use birth control and adopt instead?
Oh, what, it’s different for you? Oh, ok…gotcha!
These questions are unfair no matter whom is being asked.
There are two myths surrounding trying to conceive and adopting and I will try to tackle both of them.
- “Just adopt.”
- “You should just adopt, then you’ll get pregnant.”
__________________________________________________________________
Myth #1: If I know someone who’s having trouble conceiving, maybe I should tell them to just adopt. Or, ask them if they’ve considered adoption.
Fact: No, you should never give this unwanted advice.
As a woman who has not wanted to adopt in the past and as someone who is considering it now, I can absolutely say hearing the words “just adopt” is unwanted and painful. Thankfully, I’ve only heard it a couple of times over these last five years. One of them came from a nurse practicioner at my OB/GYN clinic. I wish I was kidding. If anyone should be sensitive, I think it should be women’s health professionals, but alas, that is not always the case. And, this was four years ago before we even had any diagnostic testing or began any infertility treatments. She had no right to tell me that, and was medically negligent in my opinion especially when we had lots of options at that point and had no reason to believe that we wouldn’t ever be able to conceive.
Let me explain why suggesting adopting to an infertile is not a good idea:
- When you are still trying, whether or not you would consider adopting, it’s painful to hear. My husband and I desperately want a biological child. Period.
- It comes across as “why don’t you just give up already…this is never going to happen.”
- This is a deeply personal decision and not something to be bantered about as if you’re talking about the weather.
- When people say “just adopt,” they think it’s an easy solution. You want a child. There are children to adopt. It’s not that easy. It takes the right people and a lot of soul-searching.
- In many cases, it requires grieving the loss of a biological child. This is difficult for people to understand. This has been extremely hard and I’m in gray area right now. I feel like I’ve been grieving, but I haven’t completely given up hope either.
- The financial aspect of adopting is staggering. There are many who have failed to conceive and their hearts are open to adoption, but they simply can’t afford it. General costs to adopt are around $20,000 to $30,000. Add that to the $20,000 or more than many of us have already spent on fertility treatments and you can see why it’s financially impossible for some couples. And, additionally hurtful when you tell a person to just adopt, and although they want to, they can’t afford it.
- It’s hurtful to those whose first choice to have a child is to adopt. It was never a back-up plan for them.
- It’s very insulting when it’s coming from someone who has a beautiful child sitting at home with mommy’s eyes and daddy’s nose. Easy for them to say.
____________________________________________________________________
Myth#2: “You should adopt, then you’ll get pregnant”
Fact: Adopting has absolutely no bearing on your ability to conceive.
This is last thing I want to hear and it makes me feel like beating my head against the wall. Yet, everyone has a story that they tell where this happened to a friend of a friend of a friend.
Here’s why:
- Adopting will absolutely, positively 100% not help me get pregnant and stay that way. Infertility is a disease that needs to be treated just like any other disease.
- It’s hurtful because it implies that if we stop stressing about getting pregnant and pursue adoption, then we will conceive. Not true. Read my post - Just say no to “Just Relax.”
- You have to want to adopt. It’s not for everyone. It’s not to be taken lightly. It’s not the means to an end. It’s an end.
- It’s not some easy step to check off your list in your quest to conceive. Get my uterus examined — check. Take ovulation drugs — check. Check hormone levels — check. Adopt a child– check. See how ridiculous this is?
To view her full blog, click HERE
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Double Standard
I've taken the weekend to think on this post at length, so understand that as I write this, it's not coming from a place of anger or malice, but rather from a place of thought and reflection. I've chosen my words carefully after much deliberation.
I've titled the post, in my opinion, aptly.
This weekend opened my eyes to yet another step of this TTC process: How those closest to you react to your negativism when you have failed to become a member of their exclusive club called "motherhood".
I'm realizing, maybe now more than ever before, the ridiculous double standard that infertile couples, women in particular, are held.
It's perfectly acceptable for woman to react positively when a friend or family member announces a pregnancy. It's expected that you're to cue over a newborn baby and fawn all over the new mother. However, when an infertile woman refuses to be shoved into some arbitrary mold that society has told her is the normal response to such situations, she's easily labeled as "selfish" , "bitchy" , "heartless" , and a slew of other words that basically say the same thing: "how dare you be upset?"
Mothers do not relate to me as an infertile woman, and I, as an infertile woman, do not relate to mothers. Motherhood is like an exclusive little club where all the members expect non-members to be understanding towards them. Yet, when the tables are turned, women who have never had issues with their fertility tend to have a lack of sympathy and compassion toward those trying so desperately to achieve what they already have.
During this journey I have learned that if I want to keep my "friends", I have to hide my feelings. Because if I slip up, even once and actually let them see how much I'm dying inside, I get called selfish, even by those closest to me including some family members.
How dare I be upset when I'm surrounded by pregnancy and infants? Heaven strike me down for getting emotional when the one thing I want is thrust in my face?
Granted, there are a handful of people in my life who have been nothing but supportive, and I have met some amazing women on this journey who I can relate to. But I've also disconnected with friends because of it. Friends who can not see things from my side at all and think I'm being totally unreasonable to get upset.
Some days are better than others. Some days I can smile with the rest of them . . . but there are times that I don't want to, nor do I feel like I should have to hide my feelings from the people I'm closest to.
I need a support system, though I'm finding that difficult to achieve when I can't even show my true feelings to my friends without them discussing my "attitude" behind my back.
I always thought that your friends were the people who you could go to for support, who would be there for you to hold you when you cry and cry with you.
Apparently I was mistaken.
I've titled the post, in my opinion, aptly.
This weekend opened my eyes to yet another step of this TTC process: How those closest to you react to your negativism when you have failed to become a member of their exclusive club called "motherhood".
I'm realizing, maybe now more than ever before, the ridiculous double standard that infertile couples, women in particular, are held.
It's perfectly acceptable for woman to react positively when a friend or family member announces a pregnancy. It's expected that you're to cue over a newborn baby and fawn all over the new mother. However, when an infertile woman refuses to be shoved into some arbitrary mold that society has told her is the normal response to such situations, she's easily labeled as "selfish" , "bitchy" , "heartless" , and a slew of other words that basically say the same thing: "how dare you be upset?"
Mothers do not relate to me as an infertile woman, and I, as an infertile woman, do not relate to mothers. Motherhood is like an exclusive little club where all the members expect non-members to be understanding towards them. Yet, when the tables are turned, women who have never had issues with their fertility tend to have a lack of sympathy and compassion toward those trying so desperately to achieve what they already have.
During this journey I have learned that if I want to keep my "friends", I have to hide my feelings. Because if I slip up, even once and actually let them see how much I'm dying inside, I get called selfish, even by those closest to me including some family members.
How dare I be upset when I'm surrounded by pregnancy and infants? Heaven strike me down for getting emotional when the one thing I want is thrust in my face?
Granted, there are a handful of people in my life who have been nothing but supportive, and I have met some amazing women on this journey who I can relate to. But I've also disconnected with friends because of it. Friends who can not see things from my side at all and think I'm being totally unreasonable to get upset.
Some days are better than others. Some days I can smile with the rest of them . . . but there are times that I don't want to, nor do I feel like I should have to hide my feelings from the people I'm closest to.
I need a support system, though I'm finding that difficult to achieve when I can't even show my true feelings to my friends without them discussing my "attitude" behind my back.
I always thought that your friends were the people who you could go to for support, who would be there for you to hold you when you cry and cry with you.
Apparently I was mistaken.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
TTC and Vaginismus
Some people will already know this, others won't.
I have a condition known as vaginismus.
What is vaginismus? Well, I'm glad you asked! It's basically a condition that makes intercourse extremely painful if not impossible! You can read about it HERE for a more in depth understanding, but for the sake of explaining it in relation to TTC, that's basically all you need to know: a condition that makes intercourse very hard to achieve.
So how does one try to have a baby when intercourse isn't an option?
I'll just leave that picture there and say "yes, it's exactly what you're thinking."
It's not ideal by any means, but it is where we're at right now. Despite physical therapy, we just can't have intercourse as often as required to give us a good sporting chance during my fertile window.
Lock and Load.
I have a condition known as vaginismus.
What is vaginismus? Well, I'm glad you asked! It's basically a condition that makes intercourse extremely painful if not impossible! You can read about it HERE for a more in depth understanding, but for the sake of explaining it in relation to TTC, that's basically all you need to know: a condition that makes intercourse very hard to achieve.
So how does one try to have a baby when intercourse isn't an option?
I'll just leave that picture there and say "yes, it's exactly what you're thinking."
It's not ideal by any means, but it is where we're at right now. Despite physical therapy, we just can't have intercourse as often as required to give us a good sporting chance during my fertile window.
Lock and Load.
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